Self Esteeem - Biggest hurdle

I want to fly high in the sky. Sitting in the best of best companies in the tech field. I want to be a true geek.

We all want to fly high in the sky. to experience the best of the bests. to achieve all the aims and to live a chosen life.

As far as I am concerned, I desire to be at best in algorithms, web knowledge, hacking, databases... the list is huge :P

The key things required are dedication and determination. The ability to then perform is already gifted by the almighty to everyone here. :)

but whenever we think of preparing, we start counting prerequisites.

As of today, whenever I think of preparing, first comes a list of required things in mind. I need a study table, a study room, a studying environment, no one around to disturb me...

I wish to live my life by my own rules. Everything should go the way I want it to be. One should only speak what I want to hear. Any single extra word seems to be a waste of time.

I have started thinking that I am a logical and brilliant person. I have become egoistic. 

I know I am going wrong. this is not the way one can reach the heights. What is required to be there is simple living and high thinking. I pray that grant me Man Neeva te Mat Uchi. 

This pseudo-proudy feeling is not letting me ignore the environment and concentrate on hard work. 

I know I can fly high in the sky, the only hurdle is the self-esteem. I will try my best to keep myself on a side and continue with full focus and energy in the way shown by Waheguru ji.

By the grace of Guru Harkrishan Sahib Ji, I believe that I will succeed. 

| Drated in year 2013 |

Purpose... a must have!

how many wishes do you have?

1, 2, or a million!

what if all of them are fulfilled? what would you do then?

You would sit and relax, would think of the next options like Alexendra once had to think. a kinda staggered situation would occur if you have no next purpose.

I am currently in the same situation. I have everything I could wish for. but what m I doing now. rather than sitting and relaxing and thanking God for all this, I am depressed. I keep thinking about what wrong or right I have done. why m I all alone, despite m not! I have an over-the-notch cooperative and motivating family, a worth counting friends.

Recently, I have been a thankless, aimless, and frustrated person.

During this stage, I have hurt people a lot, and have blamed others for my misbehavior. their reply, in turn, was that I am changed n have started thinking of myself as superior and m an egoistic person. I don't know if they r right. what I know is m not happy. 

What's missing now is the purpose of life. 

Last year, my aim was to collect money for my marriage and double-digit package. 

This year, I have both. what do I do now? get married! That would ruin my life and all my aspirations

& what d hell I do with a double-digit package if I don't have the courage to spend!

Meanwhile, I have had different crazinesses that kept me involved. like there was a time I loved to shop, there was a time eating in the best cuisines used to be my hobby .. well that's still there :D 

all these materialistic things seem useless at times. No matter what you have, it could be what you once desired or you could be in hell...what is required is to know what are you here for? wherever you go, be it office, home, or Gurudwara, know the purpose of being there. and commit to that purpose. 

I can recall a story from my college days. One of my college professors, who taught me civil engineering always used to emphasize that there are three main rules of life

1. know the purpose of being here

2. be regular like the sun

3. respect your parents.

In a lecture of 1 hour, he used to demonstrate these 3 sentences for 45 mins with different examples, creating humor, indulging students, and then teaching the subject for 15 mins. the best part was that he never took our attendance. while leaving, with a broad smile he used to wave his hands and say, All Present :). and mark my words, he was a professor, students used to attend class and follow, without making a miss.

I need to start all over again, with new situations around, new aims are to be built.
now, it's a completely new life where I am not the same as I used to be 8 years or even 4 years ago.
I have got a new birth and I have to start this life w full joy, and have new experiences :)

| drafted in year 2015 |