Self Esteeem - Biggest hurdle

I want to fly high in the sky. Sitting in the best of best companies in the tech field. I want to be a true geek.

We all want to fly high in the sky. to experience the best of the bests. to achieve all the aims and to live a chosen life.

As far as I am concerned, I desire to be at best in algorithms, web knowledge, hacking, databases... the list is huge :P

The key things required are dedication and determination. The ability to then perform is already gifted by the almighty to everyone here. :)

but whenever we think of preparing, we start counting prerequisites.

As of today, whenever I think of preparing, first comes a list of required things in mind. I need a study table, a study room, a studying environment, no one around to disturb me...

I wish to live my life by my own rules. Everything should go the way I want it to be. One should only speak what I want to hear. Any single extra word seems to be a waste of time.

I have started thinking that I am a logical and brilliant person. I have become egoistic. 

I know I am going wrong. this is not the way one can reach the heights. What is required to be there is simple living and high thinking. I pray that grant me Man Neeva te Mat Uchi. 

This pseudo-proudy feeling is not letting me ignore the environment and concentrate on hard work. 

I know I can fly high in the sky, the only hurdle is the self-esteem. I will try my best to keep myself on a side and continue with full focus and energy in the way shown by Waheguru ji.

By the grace of Guru Harkrishan Sahib Ji, I believe that I will succeed. 

| Drated in year 2013 |

Purpose... a must have!

how many wishes do you have?

1, 2, or a million!

what if all of them are fulfilled? what would you do then?

You would sit and relax, would think of the next options like Alexendra once had to think. a kinda staggered situation would occur if you have no next purpose.

I am currently in the same situation. I have everything I could wish for. but what m I doing now. rather than sitting and relaxing and thanking God for all this, I am depressed. I keep thinking about what wrong or right I have done. why m I all alone, despite m not! I have an over-the-notch cooperative and motivating family, a worth counting friends.

Recently, I have been a thankless, aimless, and frustrated person.

During this stage, I have hurt people a lot, and have blamed others for my misbehavior. their reply, in turn, was that I am changed n have started thinking of myself as superior and m an egoistic person. I don't know if they r right. what I know is m not happy. 

What's missing now is the purpose of life. 

Last year, my aim was to collect money for my marriage and double-digit package. 

This year, I have both. what do I do now? get married! That would ruin my life and all my aspirations

& what d hell I do with a double-digit package if I don't have the courage to spend!

Meanwhile, I have had different crazinesses that kept me involved. like there was a time I loved to shop, there was a time eating in the best cuisines used to be my hobby .. well that's still there :D 

all these materialistic things seem useless at times. No matter what you have, it could be what you once desired or you could be in hell...what is required is to know what are you here for? wherever you go, be it office, home, or Gurudwara, know the purpose of being there. and commit to that purpose. 

I can recall a story from my college days. One of my college professors, who taught me civil engineering always used to emphasize that there are three main rules of life

1. know the purpose of being here

2. be regular like the sun

3. respect your parents.

In a lecture of 1 hour, he used to demonstrate these 3 sentences for 45 mins with different examples, creating humor, indulging students, and then teaching the subject for 15 mins. the best part was that he never took our attendance. while leaving, with a broad smile he used to wave his hands and say, All Present :). and mark my words, he was a professor, students used to attend class and follow, without making a miss.

I need to start all over again, with new situations around, new aims are to be built.
now, it's a completely new life where I am not the same as I used to be 8 years or even 4 years ago.
I have got a new birth and I have to start this life w full joy, and have new experiences :)

| drafted in year 2015 |

A beautiful bouquet of emotions

m a girl who wants to do everything every time. right now, I have a subconscious mind saying how come u r sitting at the office. how can everyone around be so serious abt work? I feel like getting up, doing some stupid things for example making fun of someone, something, roaming somewhere, going shopping, playing around with balloons hanging on the ceiling. there are purple and white balloons hanging on. and they look lovely. I can't help matching people's dresses with the ballon. everyone wearing purple seems cool.. I feel like crying.. I feel like laughing.. I feel like flirting.. I feel like flying.. I feel irritated..n pata nai kya kya, all at once. I am not able to focus on my work. I need to finalize the design and algo for my new work. That's a little tedious task coz it will affect the whole website. I need to think thoroughly before I do anything.

har thode samay baad, dil me ek ghanti bajti he jo kehti he ki bas ab utho iss chipku seat se and go have some fun. 

dil me baje ghanti, bole tan tan tan..

I sing songs the whole day. lyrics pata ho chahe na pata ho..kuch na kuch main har time gaa hi rahi hoti hu..

m I going crazy...whatever, it's fun :D

now, coming back to the topic, based on my feeling right now, u can say I want to be independent and free, do whatever I want, and not care about anyone. hell if they are watching me..but m restrained..feels like this whole world is chasing me. I can not just stand and sing loud and dance...wow that would be... ahh can't afford such stupidness. 

I feel as if the whole world is looking at me. I feel as if am beautiful and wanted. shayad i seek attention.

my boss just reminded me that we have a monthly meeting. I was so lost in me that dint even check the reminder. will continue writing blog once I come back.

writing in between meetings now. meri aankho me khushi ke aansu he! even my updates for last month could have been better. I could not even start the work that I was supposed to end!

probably m happy coz I laughed wholeheartedly when my boss's chair broke in a meeting.

then when asked what is planned date for my task was, I said I will give it later n nothing is planned yet. by the end of the meeting, I had a feeling that I have been doing nothing!

apne hawaa me jhoolte hue iraado ko mujhe shaant karna chahiye and i should focus on my work. this world is damn chasing me, everyone wants me to be perfect as per what they see perfect as. eg my mom wants me to learn how to tackle family issues, know everything, learn everything be it kirtan, housekeeping and to get settled. my father wants me to learn to cook. my boss wants me to know my aim and introspect. my senior boss wants me to achieve something big work for the company. my friends want me to be adventurous. some of them want me to marry and some want to marry me !!! lol

right now singing this song.. I feel young.. I feel free..na nanaa naa

Regression, Depression or Agression?... Choice is yours!

Life is like riding a boat in the midst of low and high tides. Learn to enjoy the moments and everyone around you when you are blessed with low tides. Just forget your past injuries, people who would have hurt you, or even the cases where you would have hurt people. Go with the flow and perform your best. Learn to be happy all time.

However, such an easy life does not last long. and it shouldn't as what's the fun then! How would you get to know more about yourself?

Now, when there are tough times, people around you seem not to care enough. you feel lonely and stuck. I have seen many people breaking into such situations. Most of them avoid discussing the matter, and a few of them start crying while discussing it. One of my friend's eyes is filled with anger while she discusses her issues. You could be feeling low. You could be around people who are making you feel low. It's solely your attitude on how you handle the situation.

You have the below options.

1. Regression: Forget what happened and start all over. but, by doing this you carry certain grudges inside you that may harm you in the future. it usually turns into anger.

2. Depression: You feel lonely. You keep imagining the situations in your head in an infinite loop. you try finding people to talk to. you start crying more often.

3. Aggression: You take on the responsibility of the situation on your shoulders and do something to correct it. 

I am not mentioning 4th option which is to harm something in anger as I would never want anyone to choose it. 

Know what you are doing, know what you should be doing and just go do it.

Be on your toes.

Main aur Tu ki Takraar

Ab ye baar baar hota hai,
Kuch bigadta hai aur prabhu banata hai,
Aur ye gaadi chalti rehti hai.


Par...Bandhu, jab bigadta hai tabhi kyun tu yaad aata hai?
Tu yaad rehta to shayad na hi bigadta!
Aur agar bigadta bhi to ehsaas na hota.


Ab mujhe tujhe yaad karna hai...

Kabhi kabhi tu ye dikhaata hai ki tu hi tu hai,
Aur main kuch bhi nahin.
Phir, jab dil ye maan jata hai,
To phir kyun tu apne raste , aur me apne raste chala jaata hu?
Tab kahi bhoole bisre hum takra jaate hain,
Aur jaldi se phir bhatak jaate hain!


Main to nasamajh insaan hu, Tu to bhagwaan hai.
Aur agar tu hi hai, aur me kuch bhi nahi, to kyun ye ahankaar hai?
Aur agar tu hi hai, aur me kuch bhi nahi, to kyun ye kasauti karm ki hai?
Aur agar tu hi hai, aur me kuch bhi nahi, to kyun ye takraar hai?
Aur agar aisa hi hai to kyun ye sansaar he?

Shuffling Around this Beautiful World

When I look at things around,
I realize that the ultimate God,
Who created us all, created the surrounding,
Is so damn perfect,
Is so above the you or me feeling,
So above the right or wrong feeling.

I think of changing someone, something around,
But this whole surrounding is his creation,
He is so damn perfect,
& so is his creation.

Who am I to want to change this,
Am I so enough to challenge this,
Am I not close minded to not be able to see the bigger picture,
The one that is amazingly beautiful,
The one above all words and definitions,
Why not to praise the ultimate beauty,
Than sitting, critcizing, changing a small part.

Ignoring can be a good option,
It will lead to happiness all around,
but will it lead to satisfaction!

Is this world really so perfect?
When I look at things around,
The things I could ignore before,
I can no more now.

I get irritated soon
& I want to shuffle it all.
I want it to be the my way!
The way where I understand others,
Make them understand new ways,
Merging their ways in my way.

Now, when I am looking around,
Everything is understandable,
Everyone is adaptable,
Its just the approach that matters,
His beauty is not just in the way the things are around,
His creation is even more beautiful because of its flexibility.

No matter how many people like me, or you affect it,
It bounces back, changes its shape a bit, & continues on.
How beautiful this world is!

a Chosen Life

We all want to fly high in the sky, to experience best of bests, to achieve all the aims and to live a chosen life.


Key things required are dedication and determination. Ability to then perform is already gifted by almighty to everyone here. :)


so just go and you do rock  :)


remember one thing... the day you leave your grounds, it will take double the efforts, to persist at one stand and if you drop your ego, u can move mountains with your soundness.

ਭਾਰੀ ਗੁਮਾਨ ਭਰੇ ਮਨ ਮੈਂ ਕਰ ਪਰਬਤ ਪੰਖ ਨ ਹਲੈਂਗੇ ॥_

Bhar(i) Goumaan Bhare Man Main Kar Parbat Pankh Hale Na Halainge||

भारी गुमान भरे मन मैं कर परबत पंख न हलैंगे ॥_

With great ego in their mind that they would not be vanquished even if the mountains move with wings.